U is for unlearn
“The first problem for all
of us, men and women, is not to learn, but to unlearn.” –Gloria Steinem
In
2008, I will focus on unlearning rather than learning.
This story illustrates how
beginner’s mind opens us to new information: “I had an airplane pilot in one of
my workshops who was learning to fly a glider. He told me, as a pilot it was
much more difficult for him to learn to fly a glider, than for his wife to
learn, who was not a pilot. He kept looking for controls that were not there.
He spent much of his early lessons trying to relate and compare the two types
of aircraft. Meanwhile, his wife, the complete novice made significant progress
from day one.”
A blogger about education provides some
examples from his world as teacher:
We need to unlearn the premise that we know more
than our kids, because in many cases, they can now be our teachers as well.
We need to unlearn the idea that learning itself is
an event. In this day and age, it is a continual process.
We need to unlearn the idea that every student
needs to learn the same content when really what they need to learn is how to
self-direct their own learning.
We need to unlearn the notion that our students
don’t need to see and understand how we ourselves learn.
We need to unlearn the practice that teaches all
students at the same pace. Is it any wonder why so many of our students love to
play online games where they move forward at their own pace?
We need to unlearn the idea that we can teach our
students to be literate in this world by continually blocking and filtering
access to the sites and experiences they need our help to navigate.
We need to unlearn the premise that real change can happen just by rethinking what happens inside the school walls and understand that education is now a community undertaking on many different levels.
My list? I haven’t
finished it—here is its beginning:
I want to unlearn racism.
I want to learn
how to nurture myself by unlearning self-destructive messages about my body that
I am bombarded with in the media.
I want to unlearn all
my negative, limiting beliefs about money: "I can’t be authentic and weaIthy,”
“Money is the root of all evil,” “Money corrupts.”
I need to unlearn my
fear of success—“play small to be humble.”
I need to unlearn
the rules I learned about gender roles: “Girls can’t… Boys must... and Boys and Girls are the only choices there are." Not true, but thoroughly ingrained in a world in which we perform gender every day.
I need to unlearn my beliefs about being an artist and writer: “You must suffer for your art.”
This lecture on
beginner’s mind has provided me with much food for thought:
“I don't know about you, but when I started to sit
I really began to see how many fixed ideas and fixed views I had. How much
judgment was ready right on the tip of my tongue. How much expectation, how
much preconception I was carrying around with me all the time, and how much it
got in the way of actually noticing what was happening. I don't want to tell
you that after thirty years I'm free of all that, but at least I notice it
sooner and I sometimes don't get caught in believing it.
“First, before you can let go of preconceptions and
expectations and prejudices, you have to notice them; otherwise, they're just carrying
on unconsciously and affecting everything you do. But as you sit, you begin to
recognize the really persistent ones: ‘Oh my gosh...You again! Didn't I just
deal with you yesterday?’ And again. And again. Pretty soon, you can't take
them seriously. They just keep popping up, and popping up, and popping up, and
after a while you become really familiar with them. And you can't get so buried
under something once you realize that it's just a habitual state of mind and
doesn't have much to do with what's right in front of you. It's just something
that you haul around with you all the time and bring out for every occasion. It
hasn't much to do with the present situation.
“One day about twenty years ago, when I was Secretary of Zen Center, Head of the front office, ordained as a priest, on the Board of Directors, and a practice leader here, I opened the door to let someone in. The thought occurred to me: ‘I bet this person thinks I'm on the inside.’ I had carried around with me all my life the feeling of being on the outside, wanting in. But at that moment, it somehow occurred to me: ‘That person thinks I'm on the inside.’ I realized that any way you might look at it, it looked like I was on the inside of Zen Center. And I was still feeling like I was on the outside, like I wasn't where the real juice was. It was very interesting. I thought, ‘Oh, that's a feeling I've been carrying around with me all my life.’ My husband, Lou, noticed it when he met me, when I was in college up at Davis--wanting to be in the in-group.
"I decided that that notion had probably been with me
since I was born. I had an older sister. There were my mother and father and
older sister, and I thought there must have been something juicy going on over
there that I was outside of. I didn't know how to get it, but I carried that
feeling with me—being outside, left out, or not included—with great pain for a
long time. It was just the way I thought of myself, just a habitual thought.
And suddenly it popped. Suddenly it became apparent to me that it really had
nothing to do with my life, it had to do with a fixed idea that I had acquired
some time in the past and hauled around with me.
“You must approach everything with beginner's mind,
with an open mind, the mind that is questioning and looking and listening and
hearing and seeing and feeling and smelling without prejudgment, without
preconception, without fixed views. Open. Ready to see what is right here.
Open. Ready to see ‘What is this?’ and ready to let it flower, ready to let it
bloom in the world.
In her poem ‘When Death Comes,’ Mary Oliver has a
few lines that say, ‘When it's over, I want to say I have been a bride married
to amazement, I've been a bridegroom taking the world into my arms.’ This is
beginner's mind: ‘I've been a bride married to amazement.’ Just how amazing the
world is, how amazing our life is. How amazing that the sun comes up in the
morning, or that the wisteria blooms in the spring. Can you live your life with
that kind of wholeheartedness, with that kind of thoroughness? This is the
beginner's mind that Suzuki Roshi is pointing to, is encouraging us to
cultivate. He is encouraging us to see where we are stuck with fixed views, and
see if we can, as Uchiyama Roshi says, ‘open the hand of thought’ and let the
fixed view go. This is our effort. This is our work. Just to be here, ready to
meet whatever is next without expectation or prejudice or preconceptions. Just ‘What
is it?’ ‘What is this, I wonder?’
"Dizang said, 'What is the purpose of
pilgrimage?' Fayan said: 'I don't know.' Dizang said, 'Not
knowing is most intimate.'"
To a
three-year-old child, a chair is a castle, a fire engine, a tree house. To us,
it is merely a chair. In such a way language and “knowing” reduce our
possibilities. Not knowing is most intimate.
Intentions: Seek beginner’s mind, a mind innocent of
preconceptions and expectations, one that is present to explore and observe and
see things are they are, not as I’ve been taught they are. Ask “what is it?”
and not “I know what it is.” Pay attention to the habits of mind; stop wanting
to be the one who knows. Give up my
attachment to rightness and embrace amazement, instead. Suzuki Roshi once
said, "The essence of Zen is 'Not Always So.'" "Not always
so," a good little phrase to carry around when you're sure. It gives
you an opportunity to look again more carefully and see what other
possibilities there might be in the situation. Not knowing is nearest. Just
bringing yourself back here, back here, back here, so you can actually
experience your life.
As
Sri Sathya Sai Baba said, “Practice the vocabulary of love—unlearn the language
of hate and contempt.”
Reading: Ellen Langer, Mindfulness;
Shunryu Suzuki, Zen
Mind, Beginner’s Mind
From last alphabet challenge: T is for Them, U is for Us
Image from here
fab... i love that mary oliver quote
Patti I've tempoarily run out of stamps but more mail in the new year - the posties need a rest anyway.
Posted by: m | 23 December 2007 at 05:42
I have also held onto the idea that I am an outsider-I was one who was always the new kid as we moved alot. It's something I am trying to let go of-what I now know to be a preconceived notion, a rut in my brain. Your post really helps enforce that. Thank you!
Posted by: dandelionseeds | 23 December 2007 at 08:59
Because so much of life is about learning how something works, and then attempting to apply that learning to other circumstances, it may be the hardest thing we have to learn: to let go of that technique when it doesn't apply.
Thanks, Patti!
Posted by: Rick | 23 December 2007 at 09:13
reaching for controls that were not there....yup.
Posted by: Megan | 23 December 2007 at 11:15
I think it was G.K. Chesterton who wrote about the state of wonder being the foundation of humility and the beginning place for new growth, as well as a cure for hubris and cynacism.
Unlearning (with amazement and wonder)are going on my list. Thank you.
Posted by: terri | 23 December 2007 at 14:02
unlearn is a part of an artists and dancers life. It was just part of the process...this is that process shared with those struggling with the concept. I appreciate having a link to send inquiring minds to.
speaking of links, I've added a link on my site inspired by your choice to go vegan in 08.
I've been remembering and posting on and off today- enjoy
vegan/ veg.:
http://metahara.livejournal.com/tag/vegetarian+or+vegan
Posted by: grace, T | 23 December 2007 at 20:22
I needed to read this and at this moment in my life.
Posted by: LLinda | 23 December 2007 at 21:35
m - I so love your surprises from Scotland!
dandelionseeds - I imagine we all have old scripts running in our heads that we need to let go of...
Rick - exactly so - thanks for putting it so clearly...
Megan - wow - thanks for pointing out that line to me - that's exactly it! I think "C" is definitely for "control"...
Terri - how hard it is to stay in a state of wonder, but let's try, shall we?
Grace, T - I hadn't made the connection to artists and dancers unlearning...thanks for that insight. Am loving the recipes - many thanks!!!
LLinda - many thanks for your note. I'm so glad it was helpful to you... happy holidays!
Posted by: patti digh | 28 December 2007 at 11:26
Late to the U party.... I find I nod my head constantly when I read your essays, particularly lines like, "I want to learn how to nurture myself by unlearning self-destructive messages about my body that I am bombarded with in the media."
A battle for me, too. I wish I had taken to heart something a man said to the young (21-year-old) me in a bar in 1981: "Throw away your mirror. It lies to you."
Posted by: Sally | 03 January 2008 at 08:37
Excellent post Cathy. In India we categorize a particulr group as being hyper-intelligent and cunning. In the workplace, managers are always known to set false accelerated deadlines. You cannot expect to have a frequency matching with in-laws.And so on...
Most of my friends have poined out that i sometimes switch off when they are talking. One of my seniors also mentioned that i am bull-headed. Your post will surely move me towards having an open mind and living in "NOW".
-Anitha
Posted by: Anitha | 25 January 2008 at 11:25