All you need
is love. Love is all you need. –The Beatles
In
2008, I am going to simply open my heart.
I
have learned much about life from two women. The first was Meta,
a young woman who died on September 14, 2006, in a tragic accident. She was just
20 years old. Her mother, MaryAnne,
was diagnosed three months later with breast cancer. Having battled cancer for
a year, MaryAnne is now dying. She is dying surrounded by great and deep love
as she walks right toward her journey.
What
I have realized from this daughter and her mother, two women, one dead and one
now dying, is that there is nothing but love. That all you need is love. And
love is all you need.
Sometimes we go about getting love in odd ways. Sometimes it isn’t all that healthy, the ways in which we love, the ways in which we seek or expect or demand love. Sometimes we confuse love with other things. And sometimes, sometimes it is real and honest and deep and sustaining through the worst of times.
When
MaryAnne was diagnosed with cancer, several friends spearheaded the creation of
a heart quilt for her, to keep her warm and mindful of the deep outpouring of
love that was coming her way and that is still pouring out to her in these, her
final days in this form. Dozens of beautiful squares poured in from around the
globe—some from quilters who knew what they were doing, and others from people
like me who had never made a quilt square. We made it up as we went along,
stitching without skill, perhaps, and with raveling edges whose ravels
themselves became art, and with enormous love and hope, for her and for us. The love shines through when
you look at the fantastic colors and shapes and images, and all that is behind
them, stitched into them.
There
is nothing but love. Not a needy or grasping or jealous or possessive love, but
an open one. One in which we can walk toward the most unlovable
person and love them. One in which we can express our love, not hide it, in
which we can feel love for people whose homelessness knocks
us off balance, for bosses who seem tyrannical, for children who, in their
growing up, do things that scare us.
Friends were
invited to send messages to MaryAnne in these last, furiously fast days of her
transition. What do we say to those dying? And what keeps us from saying it now?
Is it that everything falls short in the face of death? Is that why we deny and
ignore and run from it? Perhaps, instead, nothing falls short in the face of
death. These were questions I had during the 37days of
my stepfather's death.
I tried my best to
express what was in my heart to MaryAnne and I hope it has brought her some
peace or joy or knowing, though she is in a far better position to bring me
knowing:
Dearest
MaryAnne,
Though
I speak
from a place of not-knowing, it seems to me that we have many homes.
One is the
space in which we live and love while we are alive on this earth. I am
glad you
have come back to your home for the next steps on your journey. One is
the home
we inhabit in the hearts of those we love and those who love us. It is
clear
you have always been in that home and always will be. One is the home
we share
with those who have died before us. There is no doubt you are in Meta's
heart and she in yours...that she will be with you in these next steps
of your journey. And one is the home that is ours alone, the heart of
hearts that is filled with everything we are, even those parts of who
we are that no one else knows, not by omission or hiding, but by grace.
Your journey is
a great and awesome one. For it, I wish you great peace and love and comfort
and joy.
As you know so well, the hard work is being left behind. We grieve but with great joy for your living, and with you always—always—in our hearts. Death ends a life, not a relationship. As Australian aboriginal Ginevee has written, “At each stage of learning we must give up something, even if it is a way of life we have always known.” We will learn much from you, as we all did from Meta.
Your
relationships--with Meta, with Raj, with Deb, and with all those you
love--doesn't end here. May they take great comfort in that, as do I.
With
great love,
Patti
Open your heart to MaryAnne. Hold a space in your heart for her in these important days. Please pray in whatever way you do that
she has a peaceful passage to be with her beloved Meta. Keep her in your thoughts and in your heart. It will help her.
Intentions: To simply open my heart to people I know and don't know. To create a heart quilt that is pure and deep and keeps us warm.
From the last alphabet challenge: L is for little
[Hat tip to A Piece of Peace for the video linked to in the opening quote.]
God's blessings to MaryAnne. Her Meta is in her heart and mind. May she cry tears of joy as they see each other face to face again. The reunion awaits!
Posted by: Becky | 01 January 2008 at 19:26
I'm so sorry to hear that these are MaryAnne's final days here. Your message to her is beautiful, Patti. The only thing I can think to share in this moment is what Jerry Jampolsky, of the International Center for Attitudinal Healing, wrote decades ago in his first book: Love Is Letting Go of Fear. May the love that MaryAnne is being bathed in ease any fears she might be feeling as she makes this transition. I wish for her a peaceful transition and a joyous reunion on the other side.
Posted by: Marilyn | 01 January 2008 at 19:40
I'm in tears here from about the beginning of this post. I came here since I found a link from your "hat tip" about The Beatles "All you need is love" video.
The story of MaryAnne and her daughter Meta has touched me in ways no one can know. While I've never experienced losing a child in the way that MaryAnne did (although I have lost one in another way) and I could never imagine that, I can only cry at the thought of how she must have felt and feel a tiny piece of how she might have felt.
I know about breast cancer since I, too, have breast cancer. I know the fear, I know the loss, I know the pure terror, the love, the new lives that we find ourselves living when we have cancer. I know the alone-ness of the journey we take. I can smile at the thought that MaryAnne might feel that she's going to be with her daughter again.
I only wish that I could feel the overwhelming love that MaryAnne must be feeling at the thought of women around the world caring enough to make that beautiful quilt for her - for the overwhelming message of love that must be enveloping her.
With my own journey, the sicker I get, the further I feel that people are pulling away from me - almost everyone I know has left me and whether it's because they don't know what to say or how to feel the feeling for me is always the same - alone. At times I've treasured this and at times it's been extremely difficult - moreso now that I'm so isolated these days due to this illness and where we live.
I didn't mean to write about me here - I meant to write about how touching the love that people can show for others is. It never fails to amaze me when I see it and actually, that's surprising because I know that I have much love in my heart and I give it freely when I find opportunities. I've tried my hardest and over the years the act of and the ability of caring for others has become easier and easier for me. Perhaps it's part of the aging process or perhaps it's part of who I am - I don't know. All I know is that the power of love is more and more apparent to me as I travel the road of life.
I ask for opportunities to share my love and I am often shown ways that I can.
Much love to you Patti for linking to me so that I could read this article and feel the story of Meta and MaryAnne. It's brought home again for me how much people who love are needed in this world.
Peace, love and understanding to all.
P.S. What do we say to those who are dying? We say do what you need to, I will listen, I will be there, I have a shoulder and an ear for you. I care for and love you.
Much love to all.
~ RubyShooZ ~
Posted by: RubyShooZ | 01 January 2008 at 21:10
There is love and joy in this intention and prayer of the soul ... peace to MaryAnne as she journeys forth. Love, JP/deb
Posted by: JanePoe (aka Deborah) | 01 January 2008 at 21:54
Beautiful. Much love to your friend MaryAnne who is traveling beyond this place.
A Wonderful New Year!
Posted by: n.b. | 01 January 2008 at 22:26
I'm so glad to hear that MaryAnne has such love in her life, that the people around her are able to open their hearts and keep them open during this time.
Posted by: deirdre | 01 January 2008 at 23:08
This also reminds me of Oscar Hammerstein's "Love isn't love 'til you give it away". Your original post about Meta moved this parent to tears. The thought of MaryAnne's family having to say another goodbye so soon seems unfair. I share Edna St. Vincent Millay's disapproval (http://37days.typepad.com/pattidigh/2007/01/dirge_without_m.html) However, love does seem to be the only form of relief that works. It can take a while, even a lifetime, to discover that. My tears from the post about Meta became tears of awe at all the love that was expressed at that time.
Giving love like this to bring us through all of life's moments seems so suitable to the theme of 2008 being the Year of Now.
Peace (and love!) to MaryAnne, RubyShooZ, and all of us.
Posted by: Karen | 02 January 2008 at 02:05
Your Love essay is beautiful, Patti! MaryAnne sounds like an amazing woman.
Have you seen the video of Proffesor Randy Pausch? It is simply amazing.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=362421849901825950&hl=en
Posted by: Jillian | 02 January 2008 at 07:40
That quilt is stunning, as is this entry. Thank you for sharing your open, loving heart.
Posted by: Cat | 02 January 2008 at 09:37
Thank you for that, Patti. That's just what I needed right now. My grandfather has prostate cancer, which I just found out about last week. I had a hard time showing him the love he needed a couple years back because of some things he'd done that upset our whole family, but that's neither here, nor there now. Nonetheless, he is very much loved and supported and is a great man who has taught me a lot about life. I completely agree with you, love is all we need, even when we dont' realize it at the time. I've always held the position that the two most powerful forces in human existence are unconditional love and acceptance. I plan to live 2008 completely in harmony with that life-changing principle.
- MaryAnne has all of my love and prayers.
Posted by: Ronnie Brown | 02 January 2008 at 12:25
so often I think love can't really be it...but I think that's because I've known too much of the unhealthy stuff and so I don't see how what I know of love could possibly be all you need.
posts like this creep the door open a little more-to see what true deep love really looks like.
*namaste*
Posted by: brandi | 02 January 2008 at 13:26
I loved your beautiful message to MaryAnne, Patti. It was oozing with love and warmth. The quilt was beatiful as well. I said a prayer for MaryAnne; may she be at peace and transition into another place where there is no pain and suffering. There will be great rejoicing as she is reunited with her beloved Meta. Amen to that!
Posted by: Joy K | 02 January 2008 at 22:16
Speechless really. I just can barely manage to eke out what a lovely friend you are.
Posted by: maryam in marrakesh | 03 January 2008 at 16:48
Becky - thank you so much for your wonderful message of comfort and JOY!...
Marilyn - what an incredible thought - love is letting go of fear. thank you so much for that.
RubyShooZ - your note has made me quiet. Quiet with the power of what you are saying and feeling. I think many of us can identify either as having experienced people moving away from us when we are in pain - or ourselves moving away from others when they are sick or in pain because we are scared or don't know what to do or say. In MaryAnne and Meta's cases, I have been taught so much by a love big enough for all of them to let go of fear and walk boldly toward one another... My wish for you is that you find that community to walk toward you. You have been a great teacher to me in this note. I'm glad that this post brought us together and I care for you and love you. With love, patti
JanePoe - many thanks for your message of peace...
n.b. - and for your message of love...
deirdre - everyone around MaryAnne has learned so much from her about open hearts....
Karen - many thanks for all you wrote - and for your blessings on us all...
Jillian - thank you for that link to Randy Pausch's story - I had written about it, and it's good to be reminded of his message of now...
Cat - thank you.
Ronnie Brown - I'm glad you have found a way back to your grandfather...
brandi - I'm sure there are many who can identify with what you've said. peace to you - and love.
Joy K - thank you so much for your prayers for MaryAnne at this important time...
Maryam - I appreciate your note, and yet it is not I who should be thanked, but MaryAnne's "human survival units" who are caring for her 24/7 in this journey...I am really only an observer to this amazing love. And yet, even from this distance, it shines so brightly.
Posted by: patti digh | 04 January 2008 at 16:12
Jillian -
Thanks for the link to the Randy Pausch video. Wow! Talk about inspiring! And talk about love.
Wow! Incredible.
I noticed that the video was 1 hour and 25 minutes when I first saw the link, so I thought I'd see it later when I wasn't so tired. But I'd just watch a few minutes to get an idea of what was going on ... Well, I got hooked and couldn't stop watching. Thanks again.
Posted by: Karen | 04 January 2008 at 18:59
beautiful post.
I am lighting a candle and make a place in my heart for maryanne and I hope this will add a little more cosmic comfort sent her way from friends - known and unknown.
the quilt project is wonderful - what an incredible gesture.
Posted by: kim | 05 January 2008 at 09:01
As you know, I recently lost someone that I loved very much, someone very close to me. I wish I had had the opportunity to send a letter like you sent to MaryAnne. How blessed you both are that you had a chance to share those sweet words with her. My thoughts will be with MaryAnne, and with RubyShooz, as they go through these next days. Please keep us posted.
Posted by: Cindy Jones Lantier | 08 January 2008 at 02:47