37days

Retreat to move forward

Sometimes in the madness of our lives what we really need is a quiet space on 63 acres of rolling land in the mountains of North Carolina, a moment to look at our life's stories, to learn from them, and to re-story ourselves.

I'll hold only one public retreat this year, from September 26-28, 2008, near Asheville, North Carolina. I would love for you to be there. It won't be the same without you.

Participants will be the first to receive my new book, LIFE IS A VERB, which won't hit bookstore shelves until October.

We'll explore six conditions for intentional, mindful living as a small learning community in a beautiful space. We'll eat organic vegetarian food cooked on site for us by a Kitchen Goddess. We'll laugh. We'll leave refreshed and connected and more.

Information is here, including details on our 2008 full scholarship for a single parent to attend.

Unfortunately, we are limited to only 20 participants, so early registration is advised as participation is on a first-come, first-reserved, basis.

Ask for what you want

If you don’t ask, you don’t get. –Mahatma Gandhi

Months ago, poet Mary Oliver was giving a reading at a local university. I like Mary Oliver’s work, and in some cases, I even love it. Not like I love the poetry of some other poets—okay, just one, a man who shall remain nameless lest I be entered again into The Poet Stalker Database—but even so there are phrases and moments in Mary Oliver’s poetry that Speak To Me and Me Alone. Or perhaps not Me Alone, given the hundreds of other people who showed up at her reading. I love it when poets get rock star welcomes.

My friend Donna went with me. It turns out that Donna is a big Mary Oliver fan. We sat on the second row, waiting patiently. “I want you to meet a friend of mine,” Donna said to me as we were all waiting for the reading to start, a reading delayed by Mary Oliver’s desire to wait for her friend, Coleman Barks, to arrive. “I especially want Coleman to hear my poems about my dog,” Mary Oliver said, explaining the delay and asking our forbearance. And who could blame her? Well, my lord, if my friend were Coleman Barks and I had a new dog, I’d want to wait too, I thought to myself, so off we went to meet Donna’s friend who had just arrived.

I could barely focus on what Donna was saying to me, or her friend, either. I know I’ve written many times—and very recently!—about simplicity and not owning a lot of things and the evils of rampant materialism and how things keep us from being free and who we are—but honestly, you weren’t there. You cannot know how utterly and completely perfect that woman’s scarf was for me. My life would be complete, I knew in a hot blinding instant, if that scarf were around my neck and not hers. “That scarf is so gorgeous,” I gushed, plotting how to pull one end of it, twirl her out of it like a mummy, and then run screaming up the aisle for the exit. Screw Mary Oliver and her precious Rumi translating friend. I would run like the wind with that scarf blowing behind me, out into the dark, dark night.

B is for "be FOR something"

There is no virtue in being uncritical nor is it a habit to which the young are given. But criticism is only the burying beetle that gets rid of what is dead, and, since the world lives by creative and constructive forces, and not by negation and destruction, it is better to grow up in the company of prophets than of critics. -Richard Livingstone

In 2008, I won’t be against something if I can’t offer something to be for instead.

It is so very easy to criticize. It comes naturally, quickly. “What a lousy conference,” we might say. It is harder to solve, change, make better, offer constructive suggestions. We don’t take the time to fill out the conference evaluation in the kind of detail that would offer suggestions for the next time around; we’d rather just complain. It's easier! More fun!

I worked for years for a man who expected I would tell him the real truth. When others kissed up to him, he’d more often than not appear at my office door and say, “well, what did you really think.” And I would tell him.

One day, he appeared in my office door to ask that question, but he started by jokingly saying, “well, I’ve come to ask our office cynic a question…”

Hmm.

I didn’t see myself as the office cynic, but I knew in an instant from the sharp pain I felt at his words that it was, in fact, true. Sure, I was creating more than I was complaining, but I did fall on the critical side of the continuum. I had to acknowledge that while I knew why I was being intellectually critical (that is, critical of ideas and not people, though, well, what the hell, I did plenty of that too)—to move the organization to greater heights—I began to realize that looking deeper and holding us all to a higher standard often sounded negative. I would sit in endless meetings that felt mindless and center-less and make pronouncements at the end, sounding like the Lord of Doom. I was right sometimes, but even so, I often only made pronouncements and not suggestions. I needed to be for something, and not just against things.

37days book ("Life is a Verb") coming this fall from Globe Pequot Press

Maverick writer Charlotte Perkins Gilman once wrote that "life is a verb." It is a sentiment echoed by the likes of Buckminster Fuller and Kevin Kelly.

And so it is. Life takes action, not wishful thinking. It takes mindfulness and intention. It takes slowing down and saying yes and being generous and being amazed and loving more. It takes getting out of bed and going to see the tiny Ninjas.

Together with artists from around the world who created amazing works of art to illustrate the essays, I'm so pleased to announce that my third book, LIFE IS A VERB: 37 Days To Wake Up, Be Mindful, Find Your Heart, and Do it Now (Before It's Too Late) will be published under the Skirt! Books imprint of Globe Pequot Press in the fall of 2008.

If you'd like to be among the very first to hear when it's available, please complete the form below. I can promise on a stack of vegan pancakes with fresh raspberries that your email address won't be used for any other reason than letting you know when the book emerges, with that fantastic smell of fresh ink and clean, crisp paper we love so much.

Name:
Email Address:

free forms

I is for inside looking

Man need only divert his attention from searching for the solution to external questions and pose the one, true inner question of how he should lead his life, and all the external questions will be resolved in the best possible way. - Leo Tolstoy

In 2008, I will end each day by inside looking.

Naikan (nye-kahn) is a Japanese word which means €œinside looking€ or œintrospection€--seeing oneself with the mind's eye. Naikan is a structured self-reflection developed by Yoshimoto Ishin, a devout Buddhist of the Jodo Shinshu sect in Japan.

Naikan offers three questions for us to ask and answer:

What have I received from others?

What have I given to others or given back to others?

What trouble and bother have I caused them?

With gratitude for this intentional community

We were born to unite with our fellow men, and to join in community with the human race. -Cicero

As this third year of 37days ends, I’ve spent this last week reading again the comments left on this site in 2007—and visiting the websites of their authors, as well as re-reading the hundreds of emails I’ve received from 37days readers these past twelve months, each telling a story, holding me up, helping me understand things I hadn’t seen before. And for that, my gratitude, my thanks.

To everyone who has emailed me directly, my thanks to you. It is a gift to hear from you about how my stories have held meaning for you, and to hear your own stories—and to acknowledge how similar our journeys are, after all. And to the people below who posted comments on 37days in 2007, my thanks again for engaging, for leaving words of wisdom for us all to ponder and learn from. So much of the charm of Blog World comes from our serendipitous “findings”; perhaps in this list, if you dip into the links, you’ll find whole new worlds of insight from wonderful writers and thinkers and human beings becoming. I hope I haven’t missed anyone; if I have, let me know and please accept my apologies. With thanks for your engagement with me in this exploration of life; you give me so much:

Marilyn, Dan, Carolyn, Catherine, Nicole, Gay, Sarah, Leanne (may she rest in peace--Leanne passed away this year at age 48 after a brief illness), Mr Brilliant, Christy, Andy, Kismet, Marcia, Katie, Carol, Joy, Esther, Shelley, Ferruty, Theresa, Chris, Joy K, RedSonja, Aurora, Betsy, Franky, Sue, Karrie, Heidi, Elizabeth, Deirdre, Cate, Nicholas, Tana, Wendy, Mel, Cynthia, Jane Poe, Pearl, Hilde, Melanie, Kim, Jeff, Denise, runliarun, Mardougrrl, Dan, Liesl, Sally, vanesscipes, Jylene, Bill, Diana, Tracy, Michael, Shawn, Maryam in Marrakesh, Sebastian, Mahima, Meg, Sognatrice, Jasper, Jackie, Ellouise, Shelley, Anitha, Danielle, Bob, Nikki, Andrea, Eliza, Chris K., Josiane, Pete A., Robert, Leah, Karen, Carmen, Ruby, Donna T., Brenda L., Robert, Kelly, Jill, Becca, Clem, Carla, Tori, Mary, Roberta, Lisa G., Kelly, Lyco, David, SL, Julie, Meg, Nina, Chris B., Kay, Ro, RDL, Shonnie, Kylie, Lydia, David Z., David D., Colleen, Writerbug, Michelle, JCR, terrilynn, Angelfeet, Mary M., iswan, Kate I, Adele W., eb, Lela, Grace T., AdriftAtSea, Virginia P., Martha A., Shephard, Marcia, Zoely, Callipygia, Shannon, Carolyn, M-S, Marie, Stella, Jim, ChelleR, Catherine, inlandempiregirl, The Purloined Letter, Viaggiatore, Kurt, Barbara, Lisa G., Kelly Rae, Lisa, Lucy, Maggie, Laura, David Z., Boadicea, Donna S., janewilk, Sue M., Heather R., Nicole, Howard H., Kat, Brain, Per Stromsjo, Paul T., Becca, Teresa, Red, SSH, thodarumm, t, Kikipotamus the Hobo, Miss G Marshall, Timothy, Eva, k, Laurel, Midwest Kitchen, Maura, Alexander, JL, jana, Melissa, Callipygia, Emma W., John, Amy, Roger von Oech, Jim Ley, aileen, Ann Moore, amy, m, tali, vfa, Emily, Dawn, tallulah, Terri, Frivolitea, Lill, Debra Roby, Dean, Pia K, Granny Sue, Timothy Johnson, Jay River, Michael Wagner, Lela Davidson, Tim Davies, Roselyn, Anitha, Ramona, david cooper, Andy, Rosemary a.k.a. Ms. Marshall, Kate, Rick, Leia Lona, Allan Smithee, Beth, Sergio Fucchi, Christine Martell, Katiebean, K, Marica Sevelj, Fey, Margery Glickman, Emily, Betsey, Becky, Brandi, Deborah, Adriaan, Bill Mea, Richard Atkinson, grace, T., Meta Hara, Julie, Megan, Priscilla Palmer, Joh, Steve Sherlock, Terri, carolee, Amy McCracken, ellouise, Roger, Shelley Dickerson, Lill Hawkins, Radiant woman, Raquel Xamani Icart, maddie, Roberta Youtan Kay, Carmen, Esther, Catherine, Mary Anne, Ann Moore, Toni, Chelsea, Kim Moser, Karen (Lion and Magic Boy), Jack Yan, blue girl, ren.kat, Chris, Shula, Mike Duffy, rebecca, Sara Gold, Jayne, Jennifer, Julie, david, Trish, Chris Bailey, Donna (kygirl), bee, Cate, Maxine Dangerous, tanaya, Lori Pelham Cobbs, Carla, Meg, Voice of Sanity, Susi, Kerstin, Carrine Langley, Jillian, Ann Torrence, Dean Fuhrman, Kris, Vera, Virginia W. Pence, Dr. Jillian T. Weiss, Joan Fowler, Nancy MacDonald, The Old Foodie, Jeannie, Lela, Susan, Gerry, mary castagnoli, Connie, Jeannie, Chris Corrigan, Jeris, Jeremy, Rita Cartwright, Danielle Keister, Christine Kane, Catherine Faherty, storyteller, Karynne Courts, kim, David B. Drake, Liz Plummer, Jill, jenclair, Tina Su, Judy, Kait, Sandy Renshaw, Tyn, Lela, Cindy Jones Lantier, NaughtsNCrosses, Nina, Princess Haiku, Wyanne, stephanie, Judith Green, sue, Susan, atticus, Joan, LLinda, e.beck, Kathryn Knoll, Talia, Callie, Viv McWaters, Nancy Bea, Amy Lenzo, Matt, Kelli Schwert, Victoria, Fred, Tawanda, Dawn, colleen, Jeris, Nancy, Caren, John Maver, piscesgrrl, dandelionseeds, Cat, Dave Pollard, Carrie K, lawyerpoet, Betsy Hilt, Katie Green, Ronnie Brown, Sharon, t -rae, Donna, Joh, Barbara D., Karen...

Shall we continue the conversation on the other side of 2007, in 2008 and beyond? Let's.

[sculpture from here]

Retreat to move forward

Sometimes we have to retreat to move forward.

The next 37days retreat is scheduled for September 28-30, 2007, and registration has just opened for it. Limited to 14 people, I hope you can be one of them. I'll be joined by my business partner, David Robinson, in facilitating the weekend retreat. He's magical and brings so much to the gathering. Plus, we laugh a lot.

September 28-30, 2007  / MIND THE GAP: The Power of Personal Stories

[A 37days Retreat]

“The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it.” -James M. Barrie

If you had only 37 days to live, would you feel happy with the story you have lived thus far? How would you express that story, learn from it, leave it for others? Those are the fundamental questions behind this blog and the grounding for this unique, experiential weekend gathering focused on unmasking our personal stories to achieve greater creativity, healthier relationships, and fuller engagement in what poet Mary Oliver calls our “one wild and precious life.”

Often, there is a gap between how we wish to be seen and who we really believe ourselves to be, between the story we meant to write and the one we’ve written so far. This gap mutes the colors of our lives and inhibits the quality of our engagements with other people—in our families, our organizations, our communities. Maintaining that gap diminishes our creative impulse and often splits our intentions. Why, then, don’t we do more to shorten that distance and mind that gap?

This unique Gathering will explore these questions:
How do we make meaning of our lives through story? What are the stories we tell ourselves about others? About ourselves? How do those stories reduce us? What learning and significances are right in front of us, in the stories of our days? How can we summon the courage to move beyond the limits of who we think we are into what we were meant to be? How can we relinquish our “role” in order to discover who we might be beneath the mask?  What treasures can be found in the in-between space between me and you, between perception and preconception, between my Self and the Other?

We’ll explore concepts such as:  Life as a finite or an infinite game, intention and direction, wicked problems & tame solutions, and naming our vicious and virtuous circles, those patterns that either reduce us or allow us to live expansively.

Learning Activities / We will: 

• Use improv theatre, ritual, metaphor, mask, story, writing, and other narrative tools
• Explore “role” and other expressive personal and organizational “masks”
• Be 85% experiential--not in the sense of simulations or role plays—but as unmasked engagement with others
• Invite participants to extract meaning from experiences as a collaborative learning community
• Use focused free writes to help participants frame experiences in their own language for deeper exploration
• Experience how changing ourselves can deeply impact our families, communities and organizations.

Here's what people had to say about the last 37days retreat:

“You created a safe environment for valuable learning.”

“I loved the gentle humor that developed in the group, the inclusive quality of the experience, and the practical writing techniques that I’ve probably encoded into my cells.”

“You don’t facilitate as if to say ‘we are the leaders.’ You’re great at taking cues from the group.”

“The story you wove through the whole weekend was masterful and amazing.”

“Your facilitation is beautifully collaborative.”

“Your ability to bring movement and play into the experience, and at the same time, relate that play to deeper concepts, was truly a pleasure to experience and to watch.”

“I appreciate all the thought, caring, and preparation you put into making the retreat weekend transformational for all of us.”

 Cost / To honor the impulse of giving behind 37days, this retreat is offered for a reduced fee of $475-775 inclusive of tuition, materials, housing, and all meals. Please pay what you can in that range.

Location / Our 2007 retreats will be held at the Bend of Ivy Lodge in Asheville, North Carolina. Go here for more information and registration forms for this and other 2007 retreats (PDF).

We'd love to have you join us there. It won't be the same without you.

Account for your days

“So teach us to number our days, that we may get us a heart of wisdom” -Psalms 90:12

Flinging oneself into a new year is an easier jump if the past is accounted for, the ledger closed. I’ve written some 175,000 words on 37days this year. That’s a lot of periods, semi-colons, subjective cases and semi-annual partially plural separating conjective commas each week. I’ve held dear each piece of grammar I cannot diagram, despite Mrs. Harbison’s best efforts in the 7^th grade.

Be still, or at the very most, swing slowly

“The near stillness recalls what is forgotten, extinct angels.” – Georg Trakl

This week, the same message came to me from four places: on a table, while driving up Hillside Street, by a bonfire, and watching a tree swing trace its lazy arc.

On the table

She opened the door. “Hi,” she said, “it’s good to see you.” “You, too!” I said. We walked to two identical chairs near the window, black with straight backs, burgundy silk quilted pillows perched on their cushions. We sat down. She opened my file. “What’s been happening with you recently?” she asked. “Not much,” I answered. “Just traveling every week and doing volunteer work and writing a lot and getting ready for Emma’s birthday and getting Emma started in high school and planning a 37days retreat and doing some client work and sending out a book proposal and applying for some fellowships and collecting contributions for a charity auction and taking Tess to the park and creating baby kimonos and….”

She sat looking at me. “Is that all?” she asked with a smile.

“I guess it does seem like a lot when I list it all,” I said. “But I’ve been cutting back.”

Signal your turns

“People change and forget to tell each other.” – Lillian Hellman

My sweet, old Ford Bronco II has 172,000 miles of history in it, a broken driver’s side door that has to be opened from the outside, a passenger window stuck in one position not quite all the way up to the top (very exciting when it’s snowing), no air conditioning, and a busted driver’s seat that has to be bolstered up with a very large pillow unless you prefer driving in the blessed horizontal. Add the effluvia of a toddler (Cheerios) and a teenager (Napoleon Dynamite temporary tattoos) and you might approximate my Hot Ride. A Lamborghini Murcielago it ain’t.